Wow, this has easily been one of the hardest few weeks of my life. I have only just read all of the comments left here last week but am touched beyond words.
I have felt so alone and afraid and all of the words from you all are a bit more of a boost to keep going, as hard as it is.
I will write a more detailed post when I am feeling more up to it but my Husband has been a rock and I have a friend overseas who has literally been by my virtual-side through this, giving me strength and hope.
I have repaired my relationship with my parents, but my Sister and I haven’t spoken.
I have deleted all of my social accounts except my Twitter which is now private and I’m fairly sure that will go aswell. This whole thing will have an effect on my whole life, especially as I’m a freelance social media consultant when I’m not gripped by bipolar madness! New career ideas anyone?
My psychiatrist has been great. Helped me talk through where I was mentally and find reasons to keep living. Also, added a new string to my diagnosed conditions bow with Psychosis. But that’s a post for another time when I’m more fully aware of what that means for me.
I regret writing my story for the Blurt Foundation eBook. This was supposed to be about being brave and standing up strong, showing that the stigma won’t keep us down, and offering a hand of understanding and morale to others suffering.
Instead people from my own family used those words and my fears against me, publicly on my blog and Facebook. Not only to humiliate me, but to try and destroy my family and ultimately me. The person who did it knew it would tip me over the edge, and it worked I almost died the night it all happened.
I never thought, publicly opening up about the worst experiences of my life, would create a new one…but it did.
I still feel suicidal, I can’t deny that, but I guess you’d say I’m working the programme! Taking each minute as it comes and hoping for the best. Trying to implement CBT best practice, pop the right pills at the right times, and not spend too much time alone!
But, truly, thank you, to each and every one of you who commented on my last post. When I was in the depths of despair, there you all were, offering hope.