The Paranoia of Paranoia

“Paranoid? Probably. But just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean there isn’t an invisible demon about to eat your face.”
― Jim Butcher, Storm Front

The thing with being Bipolar is, you never quite know what each day will bring. You just manage each day as it comes the best you can and hope that you make it through to the next with the least amount of damage.

Today has been one of the days I hate the most, a day filled with paranoia.

The problem with days like these is that the more paranoid I get, the more anxious I get, and the more anxious I get the more paranoid I get. It’s another of those vicious circle’s our therapists love pointing out to us!

So I start the day, thinking I’ve upset my Husband, I ask him he says no. Now instead of letting it go like any normal person, my brain thinks he’s hiding something and those voices in my head start feeding me all the things I could have done to cause him to be upset with me.

This cycle has continued through the day, I’ve had to take meds for the anxiety and we are now not speaking because I through a fit because those paranoid thoughts and feelings are taking complete prevalence in my head.

I really hate the way our brains work against us, find things that aren’t there and play tricks to make us believe there is a problem when there isn’t. I become so obsessed with the paranoia I am feeling I can’t tell reality from the fiction in my head.

It really is awfully tiring.

Image courtesy of: http://paranoia.level-design.ru/index_eng.htm

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