Journaling vs Blogging

JournalingAs I moved away from using Social Media, I have found less and less appeal with using online services at all. I’ve started putting pen to paper to keep in touch with friends overseas, writing letters and sending postcards which are more meaningful in the time spent writing them and I am sure mean more when they arrive.

I’ve also found Im writing more of my thoughts, feelings and Bloggy blurb in a journal again as I did pre-2002 before I first discovered blogging.

Sharing my story has been so helpful in the past, I’ve been able to build genuine relationships (one of my now best friends I met through blogging in 2003/4). I’ve also found so many other people suffering with the same afflictions as me, Bipolar, Depression, Psychosis… It helps to know you are not alone.

However, when members of your own family start trolling you, turning your fears and negative thoughts and feelings about yourself and even publicly declaring on Facebook you are making your illness up for attention you pretty quickly go ofyf using online services.

Last week I was interviewed by a researcher for the University of Bristol who are doing a study between the correlation between Internet usage and suicide. I explained how for me the Internet, blogs, forums, and social media had always been a place of safety. Somewhere I could go and say “Things aren’t so good today, I need help”. But since my Brother-in-Law went all cyber-bully on me and, worst of all, my Sister supported him and cut me off, the Internet is no longer my safe place.

Anyway, I no longer feel confident I can say what I need to say without fear of reproach, I no longer feel that my friends and family support me unconditionally. I’ve lost my Sister and my Niece for good and I’m wary of everyone else. I feel very very alone.

So, as those who have visited here regularly will have noticed, I’ve backed off from this blog…keeping my opinions to myself, in a journal. I feel a lot like I did as a teenager again, where the world is huge and I am very very alone in it.

I probably won’t write here again for some time, if ever. I felt it was right to put something to explain my absence. For now…au revoir.

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5 thoughts on “Journaling vs Blogging

  1. This is horrible. Making up your illness for attention? Is your brother-in-law a doctor? I'm glad you've started writing online again as I enjoy reading your blog. I also hope he's backed off. If not, I think you should investigate the possibility of a restraining order.

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  2. Thank you so much for your comment and I am also glad I returned to blogging. The break did me good and gave me time to heal from what happened but I missed the connections, like this one, with people who truly understand. I also really enjoy writing which is why I write about things other than mental health issues.

    Yes, the BIL has backed off, although I was never apologised to. Things between my sister and I are also repaired. It took some time but my Niece was the healing factor and whatever he was hoping for I'm sure he is not happy we are now closer than we were before. She is now more understanding and open about my illness than ever before, we face time regularly so I can speak with my Niece properly and whenever she visits we spend lots of time together.

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  3. I think journal writing is very important and more so if one has mental health problems. It works better than a blog when it comes to personal matters since when one writes a blog, you’re always conscious of the fact that you’re letting others read it, hence you hold back a bit. Journals on the other hand, you just let it all flow out. It’s the confessional element I guess.

    Where it came in handy for me was reading them back after a year or two. From a distance you do start to see patterns emerging – how a breakdown or bad episode develops. Can be useful to learn from. Some of my journals are almost like science fiction… mine are VERY detailed and it also goes to prove how selective our memory banks are… you’ll revisit an occasion which you remember, but read the journal and there’s allsorts of odd little details you’d completely forgotten that make it all the more fascinating to read.

    I have journals going back 20 years. I look at the piles of them and think “they’re the ultimate self portrait” since when I’m gone, anybody who takes the time to read through the journals will find out exactly who I am/was.

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    1. Thank you, I now do both, I find a great release in sharing via the blog but there is a need sometimes to just splurge words without thinking about grammar and as you say to just let everything out without worrying who will see it which is where the journals come in handy.

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