As I moved away from using Social Media, I have found less and less appeal with using online services at all. I’ve started putting pen to paper to keep in touch with friends overseas, writing letters and sending postcards which are more meaningful in the time spent writing them and I am sure mean more when they arrive.
I’ve also found Im writing more of my thoughts, feelings and Bloggy blurb in a journal again as I did pre-2002 before I first discovered blogging.
Sharing my story has been so helpful in the past, I’ve been able to build genuine relationships (one of my now best friends I met through blogging in 2003/4). I’ve also found so many other people suffering with the same afflictions as me, Bipolar, Depression, Psychosis… It helps to know you are not alone.
However, when members of your own family start trolling you, turning your fears and negative thoughts and feelings about yourself and even publicly declaring on Facebook you are making your illness up for attention you pretty quickly go ofyf using online services.
Last week I was interviewed by a researcher for the University of Bristol who are doing a study between the correlation between Internet usage and suicide. I explained how for me the Internet, blogs, forums, and social media had always been a place of safety. Somewhere I could go and say “Things aren’t so good today, I need help”. But since my Brother-in-Law went all cyber-bully on me and, worst of all, my Sister supported him and cut me off, the Internet is no longer my safe place.
Anyway, I no longer feel confident I can say what I need to say without fear of reproach, I no longer feel that my friends and family support me unconditionally. I’ve lost my Sister and my Niece for good and I’m wary of everyone else. I feel very very alone.
So, as those who have visited here regularly will have noticed, I’ve backed off from this blog…keeping my opinions to myself, in a journal. I feel a lot like I did as a teenager again, where the world is huge and I am very very alone in it.
I probably won’t write here again for some time, if ever. I felt it was right to put something to explain my absence. For now…au revoir.