I haven’t written a “proper” post in a little while. I have been feeling a little lost in a limbo not sure quite where I am with things or where I fit into me.
I’m working hard on getting routine back into my life. Mood swings aside my biggest issues at the moment are sleep, anxiety, and those pesky voices!
I’m particularly concerned about my anxiety as I have particularly bad social anxiety. I went with Hubby to Aldi at the weekend and on seeing the car park full to exploding I refused to get out of the car and made him shop alone.
This has been significantly worse since I had the panic attack at the gym prior to my manic/psychosis induced breakdown over Easter.
What concerns me is that in June I’m supposed to be flying to Greece and just thinking about the numbers of people involved in that process right now is terrifying me. I find it hard to believe I used to be a holiday rep!
If I can’t even deal with a Supermarket how do I deal with the airport, the airplane for heaven’s sake?! The hotel? Thank heavens I speak some Greek or I would be having a meltdown about the language aswell.
I’m worried about food, explaining allergies to hotel staff isn’t easy. I speak (rusty) conversational Greek, that doesn’t extend to the intricacies of my food allergies! The last thing I need is to end up in hospital. Seriously, Greek hospitals…not fun! Been there, done that, more than once!
Not too mention, given I had a meltdown at the gym, instead of getting fit and healthy for my holiday. I’ve got mentally sicker, and put more weight on…again! Another thing to worry about!
Honestly, this “relaxing holiday” (hubby really does emphasise the relaxing) which I’m told I deserve and was a gift as we’ve not had a holiday in five years. Is causing me major issues!
I’m trying to focus on positives…
- I have a load of books on my Kindle to keep me going for the week.
- I finally found a sunscreen I’m not allergic to.
- I really do love Greece
- There are some ruins and an amphitheatre I really want to visit
- I love the sun and hot weather
As with all things anxiety based thinking is my worst enemy. But it produces a genuine fear and all of the associated responses.
Given I can’t just get drunk to get on the flight I think I will be taking the extra Quetiapine I have on standby which puts me to sleep in the daytime normally. That should fix any looming mid-flight panic attacks!
For now, I just deal with each day as it comes and hope that I can deal with the anxiety as it surfaces.