One of the things sure to send my mental health into overdrive is being judged. One of the things I’m judged on more than anything else is my decision not to have children. Everyone, no matter who they are feels they have a right to make a judgement on this piece of information.
This isn’t something I made a conscious decision about, I haven’t sat and thought carefully and weighed up the pros and cons of being a Mother. I’ve just always known that I don’t want children. All the way back to when I was a child myself.
I never played with dolls, when all the other little girls were pretending to be mothers with their dolls I was kicking footballs, playing A-Team, and doing far more fun and boisterous things. As I got older, girls in school would talk about getting married and having children, I would talk about travelling the world and having a career.
Later, friends started popping out babies, I ran for cover! People told me time and time again like broken records that the maternal instinct would suddenly switch on, that I would suddenly just want children, it never has. Whatever that hormone is, I don’t have it. I hear about the smell of a baby making people go weak at the knees, they just don’t do it for me I’m afraid.
I’ve had people I’ve only just met grill me about why I don’t have children, why I don’t want children, “well you’ll change your mind”. Seriously, if I had £1 for every time I’ve heard that line I could have fixed our national debt!
Then I get situations like the one I had this week, I had a Doctor, have a go at me about my decision not to have children, even suggesting my marriage is a sham and that it would break down and I would meet the love of my life afterwards who would convince me to have children (yes I’ve put a complaint in about said Doctor). This isn’t the first Doctor to get shirty with me about my decision but the first one to use my marriage in this way.
It’s been driving me crazy for a few days, affecting my sleep and making me pretty moody. What rights do people have to make judgements about me and my marriage because I/we don’t want children? Why do people feel that this is OK? We don’t go around making judgements about what kind of parents everyone else is.
How would people feel if we started saying to those people who are rude to us, “you’re not a very good parent because of x or y”?
Looking in from the outside and making judgements on people is rude and mean. I’ve been putting up with this for all of my adult life but I’m really tired of it now, especially when my marriage is called into question aswell. It’s time people learned to keep their noses out of other people’s business, and think how they would feel if people started questioning their life choices or openly judging them.