I know the song is different but today is Wednesday, I feel manic, I’m barely holding myself together and I’m currently using every tool I have to keep my sanity in check.
I decided recently to prioritise my writing. I’m working on making sure my blog(s) are scaled back to free up time but I’m really struggling with my volunteering giving me time. It seems to be eating more and more of my time and demanding more of me every week.
Today was my volunteering day and I felt completely broken by the end of it. In truth, I felt broken by 9:30am. I was a mess today, I felt like everything was against me with us working on a film shoot that I knew nothing about until I was almost at the office, receiving a text message letting me know to meet at the venue.
Juggling so many commitments, with what I want to be doing is really getting to me. I’m trying to pull together a fulfilled life and to be doing things that make me happy but somehow I’m feeling pressure and sadness for not achieving enough.
I didn’t sleep last night, was getting symptoms of my psychosis starting and that is worrying as these are two key signs of me getting sick again. Hopefully just a one night blip but if they continue I’m going to have to make some serious changes somewhere. I’m not sure where or what but I need to be happy and not feeling so damn tense about everything.